


Forgive Me

by RoliviaisLOVE



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Declarations Of Love, F/F, Forgiveness, Implied Sexual Content, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoliviaisLOVE/pseuds/RoliviaisLOVE
Summary: Olivia and Amanda have been locked in an affair for years, what was meant to be a one Time thing to relieve the pressure of the job has turned into their dark secret. Olivia has been living in denial, not allowing herself to even think about what she truly feels for the blonde. She's even gone as far as dating different men while still sleeping with her detective in an attempt to deny her heart. One night these feelings all come to a head and Olivia finds herself desperate for Amanda's forgiveness.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Forgive Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first ever one shots I wrote. For some reason it was posted anonymously and I couldnt ever change the settings on it so I have deleted the original and I am reposting. As I said this was my first fic on here so it isn't the best but I like it. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think 
> 
> Nell xoxo

This was not meant to happen. Not meant to happen at all. Olivia Benson had not meant to fall in love with the blue eyed, blonde beauty who currently lay bare beneath her equally naked body. It wasnt supposed to go this far. Bedding Amanda Rollins was meant to be a one time thing, they were both stressed, over worked, numbed by the horrors they saw at work every single day. It was a moment of weakness, six years ago, when Olivia had taken Amanda in the showers at the 1 - 6 and ruthlessly fucked her into oblivion. She hadn't counted on ever actually getting to know her, or falling in love with her for that matter. 

After the first time turned into a second and third, Olivia convinced herself that there was no harm in sleeping with her detective. Olivia made sure Amanda understood that there would never be anything other than pure undiluted sex to relieve the pressure of the job because Olivia Benson would never willingly admit to being with Amanda. Her job wasn't worth losing. Her job was her life. So she had spent the last six years fucking Amanda in secret while dating different men. There had been Brian, boring, simple, steady Brian. Then there was Tucker, he was loyal, eager to please, steady. But they didn't last. For some reason she never could feel content for long with either of them. She grew restless and eventually cut them lose. She didnt love them and it wasn't fair to string them along right? 

But then there was Amanda. Olivia could almost cry in this moment as she gazed down at the beauty beneath her. Those mesmerising blue eyes gazing up at her with nothing but admiration and trust. She's suddenly hit with a strange sense of guilt and realisation as she allowed herself to truly take in what she had been doing, what she was still doing to this woman. For six years she'd fucked her and then left her bed, leaving her alone. Dating other guys while making it virtually impossible for Amanda to see anyone else. Doing her best to scare of any man or woman that had dared come near her detective. Of course a couple had squeezed by under her nose without her noticing in the past. Jesse and Billie being the results of both relationships with Declan and Al respectively but even they hadn't withstood Olivia's intimidation tactics once she had become aware of their relationship with Amanda. She never gave it much thought. The jealousy she felt at the thought of Amanda with anyone else, the sense of entitlement she felt. The fear that the thought of losing Amanda invoked in her. She had previously dismissed. Reasoning that if Amanda had an issue with what was going on she would have put a stop to it. She would have spoken to Olivia. But as Olivia lays there in this womans arms she wonders if the blonde beauty would ever have dared speak out, after all Olivia had never given her much of a chance to talk nor had she paid much attention to her outside of the bedroom. That was up until Amanda had Jesse and they had started to become closer. Friends even and Olivia had gotten to know the fair skinned Gorgian whirlwind that was Amanda Rollins.. 

"Liv.... whats wrong?" Amanda's words snap Olivia back to the present moment and until the blondes petite hand had come up to brush a thumb delicately across her cheek, gathering up the moisture there, Olivia hadn't realised she was actually crying. "Hey honey... please talk to me" she mumbles pressing light kisses to Olivia's crown. 

Olivia can feel the emotion fighting to come up her throat, a large hard knot of angst ready to burst forth from kiss swollen lips. How did she let it come to this. How did she not notice her behaviour was so vulgar, so wrong. How did she not realise that in her search for success and love she had already found it years before but wasted it in an attempt to maintain control of her own life. She had treated this woman so poorly, had used her body for her own gratification and never once stopped to even consider what that would make the other woman feel, yet here she was, laying under Olivia, softly stroking her hair, cradling her head, pressing soft kisses lovingly against her skalp, and murmuring soothing words as Olivia lay sobbing against her chest. 

"I'm so sorry" she cried. "Im so s'sorry.......... fo for..... everything Amanda, for... for using you, for not..... not thinking ab.... about your..... needs, yo..... your feelings, or..... or.... wh..... what I was doing....... I was s'so self.......selfish, how can you....... how can you..... even st....... stand to b.....b....be near me." Olivia sobbed, clutching the other woman tightly, terrified that Amanda would shove her away, react angrily, or leave. She couldn't take it if the blonde left now. She couldn't deal with that abandonment because she needed her, she needed her as surely as she needed air to breathe. 

"Hey darlin, shh, its okay I've got you" Amanda soothed. "I've got you n all s'forgiven, im not going nowhere" Olivia felt Amanda's arms tighten around her. Pulling her more securely into her soft frame as she felt herself being rocked gently from side to side. Olivia felt a soothing hand travel into her dark locks, Rollins combing her hair with her fingers gently, comforting Olivia as she felt her body calm, the sobs becoming less, tapering down to a fragile whimper as the other woman luls her into a sense of calm. 

"Why do you put up with me, why are you still here" Olivia whispers, unable to see why anyone would willingly put up with her behaviour. 

"That's simple Liv" the younger woman drawls and her next words have Olivia's heart beating faster than she thinks it ever has done before "I love you s'why. Always have done, think a always will darlin, if this is'all you'll ever give me then s'what I'll gladly take" 

Olivia knows then just how wrong she has been all this time. All these years she's wasted on sticking to her sense of what she should be doing rather than seeing what she had infront of her all this god forsaken time. Olivia sits herself up then. Pulling the other woman up infront of her so she can face her. Wanting Amanda to see the sincerity in what she's about to say and do. 

"What if this isn't all I want anymore Mand, I know I've treated you bad, truth is I just didn't want to see what was infront of me, didnt want to admit that all this time the best thing to happen to me, except Noah has been with me all this time." Olivia whispers, placing her hand on Amanda's chin, grasping it gently as she places a soft kiss to the younger womans lips. She sees the surprise in her eyes. She rests their foreheads together as she continues. "I dont want this to be our secret anymore Mand, I wanna be with you, I wanna be yours, I want you to be mine. If you'll have me, I wanna make you happy, I wanna be an us" Olivia murmurs. Locking her eyes with the Blondes. Silently pleading that she isn't about to be rejected, that Amanda will see how sorry she is and how much she genuinely wants to change whats going on with them. 

Amanda takes hold of Olivia's face and Olivia can feel herself leaning in to her touch, waiting with baited breathe for the beauty before her to say something. Anything. 

"Nothing would make me happier darlin, I'd be honored" Amanda replies, genuinely. Smiling softly at the brunette. Olivia's heart flutters as she releases the breath she was holding and silent tears of relief and happiness start rolling down both hers and Amanda's cheeks. Olivia pulls Amanda into her lap, holding her tightly to her as Amanda wraps her arms around Olivia's shoulders and nuzzles the brunettes neck. 

"Mand?" Olivia whispers. 

"Yeah Liv?" 

"I love you too" 

And Olivia knows then in this moment as she holds the woman who has stood by her side for years, the woman who has loved her through her worst moments and has never given up on her despite her crappy behaviour, she has never spoken truer words. She does love her. Olivia Benson is in love with Amanda Rollins and she will spend the rest of her life, doing everything she can to make up for her behaviour and ensuring that the blond knows just how much Olivia does love her.


End file.
